Post-exam Thoughts

It is at those times in our lives when we have traversed the limits of our abilities and resigned our idols of self-sufficiency that our Lord says, "Finally, I can use you for what I intended." It is at these times when we are nothing but empty worn-out vessels that He abundantly fills us with the Holy Spirit, renewing us to fulfill the wonderful plan He has had for us all along.
A year ago today, I was closing a chapter in my life, the final lines being written as I walked across the stage and received the orange, cardboard tube containing a letter saying my diploma would be in the mail. Here I am today looking at the first few pages of the new chapter I have started. The pages are marked with ?s, ink smudges, !!!, cross-outs and jumbles of experiences as I've stumbled over all the new pieces of my life, trying to decipher their proper location.
Many times this year I've felt like Moses: not the strong Moses who led his people out of Israel and came down the mountain with God's glory radiating from his face; rather, the stuttering Jew who felt hopelessly incapable of the task God had set before him. Other times, I've felt like Jonah, swallowed up by my own doubts and telling God that His plan is impossible. On the other hand, sometimes I have felt like Ester, as if I were put here at such a time and a place for a great purpose.
Medicine, like the military, is such an esoteric and demanding experience, that I suppose only those who have been through it would understand it. I can't begin to describe the past nine months. It has been a time of transformation in my life. In August, I entered a three-story, modern building and beheld the gazes of 60 strangers. In a week, I will walk out of Stanton-Gerber Hall, my second home, and bid a temporary goodbye to those who have shared in the majority of my existence over the past year. I have learned more about the meaning of the words sacrifice, grace, discipline, sin , and perserverance than I ever did in throughout my college experience. I have been broken and emptied and blessed at the same time. It has been a time of failure and a time of faith-building-a time of crying out to God to fill my worn-out vessel.
Summer eagerly awaits, only 12 more days and 3 more exams. I cannot wait to see the glorious and wonderful plans God has ready to be inscribed on the next few lines of my life.